A compliment about a new hairstyle, an outfit or a job well done should ordinarily feel good. Yet, many people instinctively respond to praise by dismissing it, making a self-deprecating joke or pointing out a flaw. When a friend says your hair looks lovely, for instance, you might immediately respond that you have not washed it in two days. While such reactions may appear to be expressions of modesty, they can reflect deeper feelings about self-worth, attention and the ability to accept positive feedback. In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Dr Chandni Tugnait, an MD and psychotherapist, life alchemist, coach and healer, and founder and director of Gateway of Healing, explained the psychology behind this common response.

One possible reason people struggle to accept compliments is self-doubt. When someone has a negative perception of themselves, praise that contradicts this perception can feel uncomfortable or difficult to believe. A person who considers themselves unattractive, for example, may find it hard to accept a compliment about their appearance. Instead of allowing the positive remark to stand, they might dismiss it or offer an explanation intended to reduce its significance. This response can reflect a mismatch between how individuals see themselves and how others perceive them. Rather than questioning their negative self-image, they may instinctively reject feedback that does not fit it.

Another factor is the fear of attracting attention. Although compliments are usually intended to make someone feel appreciated, being the focus of another person's attention can leave some people feeling exposed. They may worry about appearing arrogant if they accept praise directly or feel uncertain about how to respond without making the interaction awkward. As a result, they might redirect the conversation, laugh nervously or shift the focus to someone else. Such reactions can be particularly common among people who prefer to remain in the background or who have learned to associate drawing attention to themselves with discomfort. In these situations, deflecting praise can become an automatic social response rather than a deliberate rejection of kindness.

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Past experiences and upbringing can also influence how people respond to appreciation. Individuals who grew up in environments where humility was strongly emphasised may have learned that accepting praise openly is inappropriate or self-centred. Others may have received criticism more frequently than encouragement, making positive feedback unfamiliar. Cultural expectations can further shape these responses, particularly when modesty is treated as an important social virtue. Someone who has repeatedly been told not to boast may instinctively minimise their achievements, even when another person is simply acknowledging their effort. Over time, these learned behaviours can make it difficult to distinguish healthy humility from the habit of dismissing one's own strengths.

Perfectionism may offer another explanation for discomfort with compliments. People who set exceptionally high standards for themselves can focus on what they believe remains unfinished rather than what they have accomplished. When praised for a successful presentation, for instance, they might immediately mention a mistake they made or a point they forgot to cover. Although the compliment recognises their overall performance, their attention remains fixed on perceived shortcomings. Similarly, some individuals may suspect that praise comes with expectations, leaving them feeling that they must continually perform at the same level to deserve approval. This can turn an otherwise positive interaction into a source of pressure rather than encouragement.

Learning to accept compliments does not require excessive self-confidence or abandoning modesty. A practical first step is to pause before responding and notice the urge to contradict, explain or minimise the praise. Instead of searching for a reason the compliment might be inaccurate, a person can simply say, "Thank you." This allows the other person's kind intention to be acknowledged without requiring agreement with every positive assessment. With practice, people can also learn to recognise their achievements more fairly, accept positive feedback without feeling indebted and separate appreciation from expectations of perfection. If discomfort around praise is persistent and closely connected to low self-esteem or distress, discussing these feelings with a qualified mental health professional may help. Ultimately, accepting a compliment can be a small but meaningful way to become more comfortable with being appreciated.

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